Would you catch me if I fall for you?
Is the question I ask as I’m debating whether I should
open my mind up completely to an individual who feels as if
my misimpressions are a reflection of my inner expressions,
but it’s all just a misconception.
The good the bad and the ugly are
what I what you to know so that I can see if you are
willing to deal with me on my worst days just as much as on my best
I’m nowhere near perfect and I’m hoping you aren’t either
because that would leave less room for growth
Break down my shell, experience me
all of me or else just leave me be.
What is it about you that brings a spirit of contentment into my atmosphere?
Maybe it’s the way you inspire me
Maybe it’s the soothing of your voice
Maybe it’s the drive you have for yourself to advance in areas you have perfected
Maybe it’s the thought of staring into your eyes and your beautiful smile
Maybe it’s just that feeling I get at the thought of……
Maybe it’s the way some things just come so naturally when you’re involved.
If forever was realistic…
Although “forever” isn’t realistic, my intentions with you are forever or the closest thing to it.
Like what they say when exchanging vows, ” till death do us part”; Yeah something like that.
The closest thing to forever, you never know what that may be.
If I had control over time forever would be unending, cherishing moments together for decades upon decades.
Never ending butterflies like it’s the first date every time we wine and dine or have spontaneous lunch dates
That smile, that addicting smile that lights up a room as if thousands of candles glowing in a pitch-black space.
If forever were never ending, your smile would never stop, the love would never end, the memories would never fade, that feeling would last for a lifetime.
An unstoppable FORCE, LOVE, ADDICTION.
That look that she gives when she knows life wouldn’t be complete without you, is what I saw as he looked into her eyes.
Immediately I imagined myself in her shoes, not to replace her, but to experience the feeling of a real, genuine love.
A manifested love that is built up over time, nourished through each other’s minds.
Entwined in such a way that the most seductive soul that tries to come and destroy your bond would easily be declined.
Fueled by each other’s souls, love and understanding.
Soul searching for that perfectly imperfect Soul…
Tell me your secrets and dreams and I’ll tell you mine, but I must warn you that I’m a bit difficult to comprehend
It’s not by choice, my thoughts just can’t seem to come out as my mind perceives
I don’t need your judgment, just your understanding
I don’t need your pity party, just your motivation
That in time over time a release of my thoughts, my secrets, my feelings will pour out in a way that fills up every inch of your mental.
I want you to know me, to understand me, to love me for me.
Can you handle that?
I hurt more than most, because I care more than most…
A blessing and a curse, that I always try to pick up the pieces and attempt to recreate them back into their original form.
Hoping that just maybe it will be as good as new.
That’s not going work because in the process there are little chips and pieces that are unable to fit into the original structure like before,
Even though the structure can be recreated it’s never going be the same.
Hating to see things fall apart even though it may be the best thing at that moment I continue to try,
Knowing that this may be my warning sign to just let it go.
Why is it an automatic assumption that, “you got it good” or “You have no worries, look at you” just because you don’t look like what you’ve been thru?
There’s a lot of pain in these eyes
There’s a lot of stains within these eyes
There’s a lot of heart ache experienced thru these eyes
There’s a lot of years seen thru these eyes
There’s a lot of tears that have come from these eyes
There’s a lot of trust lost thru these eyes
There’s a lot of lessons taught thru these eyes
There’s a lot of happiness in these eyes
There’s a lot of forgiveness given and received thru these eyes
There’s a lot of love seen thru these eyes
Only thru these eyes I can see…
I just wish you would call…
To tell me that you forgive me so that
Maybe we could get things back to the way they used to be.
Maybe you could have just as much patience with me as I’ve had with you, and not hold my actions against me.
Maybe you will realize my feelings……………
WAIT, HOLD UP!!!
Never apologize for being you
When you feel, that shows truth
Never allow anyone to make you feel like your feelings aren’t real
Never apologize for how you feel.
When a person continuously puts someone else’s needs and wants before themselves it makes them extra special and lovable.
Being the strength for others to keep them pushing ahead is never easy and can be exhausting, that really takes a strong-willed individual.
Even more so to be that strength without complaints makes you a rare royalty.
Seeing it in myself is one thing but seeing it in someone else amazes me and brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.
The best things in life comes from taking a chance…
A chance that maybe it will be the best decision you could ever make,
A chance that despite the things you have experienced in the past things can only get better,
A chance that you will open up freely and allow yourself to be vulnerable,
A chance that you would let life happen with no boundaries,
Just allow your energy to shine…
Why am I so knowledgeable yet ignorant to the fact that I need to deter my feelings, knowing that it’s better for me to disconnect from certain individuals to keep myself balanced and focused on a forward movement.
What makes you so phenomenal?
Is it the love you spread to those around you?
Is it the way you sacrifice your time to make sure your house is a home?
Or the way you put others needs/wants before your own,
Maybe it’s the strength you possess to hold things together,
Queen you are a powerful force,
You are worthy of the crown.
Is it too much to “learn” an individual?
You know, get to know a person hitting you with that mental visual
Educating yourself with their complexual,
Before complicating things with the sexual
Is it too much, to gain a little bit of knowledge on a person,
Instead of getting distracted by the physical
The deepest connection you can have is when you learn someone from the inside, that physical just adds to it
Best connection to have.
Not the norm…
What ever happened to when people actually got to know each other?…
Way before the phones, technology and social media.
The times when you sat down to have verbal conversation with someone and those times when short notes back and forth were a fad.
When did getting to know the “real you” become so unfashionable?
Being replaced by a profile pic or “about me” section distracting minds into thinking that a simple profile will tell you all you need to know about an someone.
When did it all become so broken, this is not what the future generations need to feed off.
I can tell you haven’t been loved in a way that has made you feel secure.
Been abused in ways I can’t understand how you’ve endured.
Broke down because of your outpour of feelings and emotions that only the weak would call weak because…
they were willing but didn’t care enough to understand your cry out.
Or maybe they couldn’t afford to give you the time you needed so instead chose to discount your feelings.
Encounters change people, hurt changes people, pain changes people. Let it change you for the good and never allow it to control your present, your future, your life.
Know your worth and surround yourself with individuals that realize how valuable you are.
I can’t lie I was low-key lusting over your presence and I had
never spoke a word to you.
I never had someone like you before
Genuine touches and kisses, all of the love you pour
Never questioning motives of what you’re doing it for
Contemplating walking out wanders my mind no more
I knew it from the start
You were the one that would change me, fighting that truth so hard
I didn’t want to admit it due to previous scars
But now I realize, you’re the best part
The best part of every single moment
You understand me, support me when I be on my goals shit
Ain’t had to question not once if you were on some hoe shit
You stayed down with me, always helping me keep my focus
See you’re are a different breed.
Just want to be in your presence, breathing the air you breath.
Can’t imagine ever parting, I hope this ain’t a dream
You are my soulmate, you are a queen.
My presence is a gift, it’s not a guarantee for you to exist in my moments.
Got bodies around me that can disappear out of my life today
Never hear from them again and won’t feel no type of way
It’s clear to me some aren’t who they pretend to be
Back then you would’ve been a frenemy for pretending to be a friend to me
In these times it’s all about conserving energy
Synthesizing with like-minded souls creating a stronger synergy.
Don’t overthink it, I’m serious when I say that
I may had been different if you’d known way way back
Before the construction zone, the heart break songs when I thought it was all Kodak
Before I isolated myself and resurfaced with a clear mental ready for a major comeback
I had to learn to become selfish when it came to all of me
To give less when necessary and keep away from people that questioned my degree
Life seems to be a bit in slow motion these days
Trying to reach the same goal, to keep myself moving I paraphrase
Don’t ever overthink it, you don’t have to do that with me
I just require a little patience.
I’ve always been the type to do more than I should,
Even though many did the most showed me they were up to no good,
Homies always told me, “let that shit go”, not thinking about the time I’ve invested.
Stubborn as fuck, I continued to let my patience get tested.
I’ve never been the type to focus on the negativity,
Despite actions taking place in front of me with full visibility.
Being optimistic that maybe this was just a phase,
Hoping for the best, resulted in you being stuck in your ways.
Always been one to believe actions vs words,
Allowing you this power over me… I eventually kicked you to the curb.
You would think with all the pain I’ve endured, the broken hearts never cured, that
my hopes of meeting that perfect soul would have already detoured…
“So out of everyone that received this message you’re the only one that turned it into a negative thought conceived from an assumption that you put in my path based off of what you think.”
We all have the choice to analyze things
To gain an understanding for ourselves and satisfy cravings
You see, you’re the one that reversed it into a negative thought
Not realizing that’s a behavior that’s taught
As if ‘favor filled with disappointments as your satisfaction’ is what’s being sought.
Who do I really blame when I choose to give my all to someone who is not worthy?
Is it fair to put the blame on another being when it’s my fault for being too good to them?
I mean, really who do I blame?
Even though every action is as genuine as any person wants to be treated,
But, once it’s given to those genuine acts become abused…
Who do I blame?
“It’s okay to give more than you should even when it’s not reciprocated.
Just know you did your part.”
At that moment you were just what someone needed,
Maybe to heal, to teach them even if you felt your actions and presence were unheeded.
Despite their ceased motion, concealed emotions,
It’s not wasted time if it’s a genuine notion
Some things are just out of your control…
I know you’ve only been trying to teach me lessons
Making more things a reality until my stubbornness lessens
It’s like this feeling I can’t seem to shake,
What if things went differently and I couldn’t wake
In the blink of an eye, may not have been alive
But you deemed me worthy to survive.
Just to think If I was distracted at that moment,
How my vehicle would’ve impacted without my movement.
This time you really got my attention,
Hands on the steering wheel with prehension
In those few seconds trying to stay sane,
Not knowing what’s there, swerving in the next lane
At this moment I just wanted to close my eyes,
Until I thought of the involvement of other lives,
I know it was You that guided me safely,
And for that I thank you, greatly.
There’s this beautiful soul I connected with a while back that kept me wondering, not knowing anything about her a spark of interest was triggered.
So I asked her, “Are you into any type of arts?”
Her response, “I am a walking piece of art”
So I just dived on in and said…
“Your style, your smile comes across like a freestyle,
Covering your canvas in material thoughts
Lyrics from your mental that can’t be sought
Spit from your mental
I’ll provide the instrumental
Just open up your mind to me, it could all be so simple
Hit me with a contagious dose that’ll make me want to overdose
Knocking me into a comatose
And I’m cool with that because you know what’s that last thing that’ll be on my mind?”
Often we cross paths with someone who may be dealing with a storm, words of encouragement are necessary.
You’re a Blessing girl
Full of ambition, taking chances
Trying to get your life on track
You was stressing girl
Didn’t know what was next
Stepping out on Faith never gave up
And you learned a lesson girl
Nothing against you shall prosper
Kept your head up and worked toward your goal
That storm was a test, it came to strengthen you
Thru all the stress and tears you didn’t allow yourself
To break, you grew
May not be perfect, but it’s perfect for you in your season
Blessings on top of blessings all within reason
-In Harmonie0 with your Destiny-
When you grow up in a world that is filled with so much anger, chaos and hate, those actions tend to become the “role model ”
Just realize that it only takes one individual to bring change.
Instead of watching the world destroy its self why not be a solution?
At the end of the day we live here, I’d rather live in peace.
Land of the what?!
What freedom is there when you live in a country where your own leader is a racist?
Still trying to divide us as a people because of the color of our faces
Stirring up hate and anger in the midst of other places
If continued division and separation is your goal, trust that’s already done
Releasing your thoughts and words into our air, verbal pollution
None of them seem to be working towards any solution.
No common goals with the people, what are you working towards?
Can’t protest without incarceration, what are we fighting for?
Steadily saying, “don’t judge a book by its cover”
while all the while judging a man by his color.
How’s that saying go?
“Keep your friends close and keep your enemies closer”
Now why the hell would I do that giving them extra exposure?
There’s always gone be somebody praying for your destruction
Gotta keep your head up, stay focused and break off all interruptions
When you’re minding your own you don’t have to worry about dissension
I mean seriously what they doing it for, an honorable mention?
All I want in this life is to be successful
Have something to look forward to and stop being so stressfull
Success comes in abundance no need to prey on the next
No need to burn bridges the concept is to avoid getting wet
Boss up move in silence and don’t forget to pray
Lay low, get your rest and do the same the next day.
Going thru it, getting past it…
It was a divine time when my mental met the rhyme
It started in my prime every time I had downtime
My thoughts dominated my mind as if it were organized crime
Victimless in thoughts except for those from my past life
Pain and feelings terrorized me
Just to write them down felt like a clasp knife
There was a time when I was at war with my mind
My headspace was in a dark place
Had my life in my hands it was hard to feel safe
There were things I kept inside of me
In fear of them becoming my reality
I’m not ashamed to say I’ve dealt with depression a time or two
Contemplated whether I wanted to get thru it or just be through
Isolated myself, it was just me conversing in my mind
About how life is long and short at the same time
One of the hardest battles you’ll ever have is one with yourself
Some may never experience this type of struggle
Apprehensive of everything around you and the constant mental rebuttal
But with Faith and prayer my life altered course
And I no longer have survivor’s remorse.
At War with Myself…
My name is Brittany and I’m an alcoholic…
Well, used to be see,
I was so use to self -medicating myself Jameson to be exact
Whiskey straight out the bottle serving as my mental distract
Drowning my problems and my failures, sunken emotions
Clearing my mental with that influential just to avoid commotion
Compromising my values and my mental health
Shifting the attention while hurting in stealth
It was always me against myself
In the search of finding my personal wealth
Everything in this world is systematic
From hate and drugs to social media addicts
Blurred minds getting lost in the clout becoming fantasy fanatics
It’s all a part of the plan just to keep you distracted.
Me against the world? Naw, that would imply that I’m in competition
To reach my level of ability when the world can’t even see my vision
If you think about it, competition only brings partition,
Followed by a whole bunch of opposition
And a dissolution with no exposition.
It’s never been me against the world that was all in my head,
I made the choice to pave my own roads in this life to get ahead,
In a world with a system that’s created for us to fail,
End up in debt, struggling or locked up in jail
I decided to work on my inner peace and omit the friction
I’m just trying to make sure my inner mission
Stays intertwined with my enter mission
So, when my time here expires I’ll enter the gates as a new addition
You can change yourself, but you can’t change people
You have the power to create new chapters in your life with less bodies in the sequel
If you focus on yourself, you’ll become better equipped to see thru
those abstract colors within individuals that are portrayed as if true.
Some feels a meant just for that moment…
I feel like I should have met you in a previous time
Expression comes so natural, mannerisms present mime
To be honest it was unexpected at first until I felt your vivacity
Your energy stood out in a space of its own, factuality
You know that one thing neither of us ever really do?
There’s a first time for everything, it was new to me it’s new to you,
Vibrations on different levels leaving both of us yearning
No stones unturned, conversation keeping both of us learning,
I’m not familiar with it, but it dominated every power within me… and I like that.
Who can play the role of yourself better than you?
It’s a great time to be free, free to be who you want to be
There should never be a time you hold your head down in shame
Stand up for what you believe in even if there is a counterclaim
It doesn’t matter your religion, sexuality or any other category others deprecate
You are the only one living in your skin, your happiness you create
Don’t beat yourself up or transition your identity so others will be pleased
If you do you will always live in bondage, you will never be free.
I have watched you,
Over the years from the time I met you
Discover yourself, uncover your wealth
You put in the work to get ahead
Despite all the tears in between you may have had to shed,
You never thrived for acceptance in this world you created your own,
With constant self-motivation you let your presence be known
I adore everything about you, your perseverance your Faith
Your courage to step out of your comfort zone and not “playing it safe”
You could’ve chosen to stay stuck in the “now” instead of getting ahead,
But we both know Faith without work is dead.
If I had to describe you apart from all other things in this world…
You’re exotic like a Tahitian pearl
Secluded from plain sight, cover girl
Unhurried to volunteer information, discover girl
You’re something like an acquired taste,
You know, like most delicacies’ something savored
and after considerable experience you enjoy the aftertaste?
Your imperfections are perfection
A predilection for mutual affection
There’s none like you, a rare selection.
Just because you have a negative thought does not make you a negative person. Release it, Let it go!
I’m sorry for calling you a bitch, fuck that!
I’m sorry for apologizing and taking it back.
I didn’t deserve any of the shit you put me thru,
but you kept playing your role as if you ‘know not what you do.’
I loved you like you were family to me,
but then again family ain’t always loyal so why did I expect you to be?
See there goes that “expect, expectations, expecting”,
whatever fucking form you want to use it in…
The result always comes out the same get too close,
catch feelings and end up getting used in the end.
Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way…
Everything always seems good when individuals have you in the position they want you,
Put you in a box based off a preconceived illusion of you
This is written from experience known to be true
Some people will never understand the change up or calling to start your life anew
When you’re stuck in your ways it’s easy to look down on the next
Easy to misconstrue the change up because of mental disconnect
When choosing planning for your future over responding to text
Becomes second nature like waiting for your job to direct deposit your check
This isn’t to knock or shame anyone for their thought process
Not everyone moves at the same pace when it comes to progress.
I’m figuring out that I need to know peace within myself, my space
When I’m faced with something out of my control or even in my control I am strong
enough to walk away in my right mind knowing it’s not right for me
And not allow people to “try” me
Selflessness gets taken for granted
And juiced until there’s nothing left, but seeds
I’ve learned there’s more strength in those seeds, once they’re planted
I will come back ten times stronger with even more to give to those deserving.
Never been the type to get caught up in the hype
of all those materialistic things and the temporary fulfilment, they bring.
Don’t you know that you’re still you??
And I’m sorry to disappoint you, but no material cover ups will ever make you brand
No, I’m not trying to discount your value, not one bit
More so help you break through and realize that it goes deeper than the transparencies of an identikit.
They say we all look alike, perfect melanin skin, perfect height,
“They all will fall for anything, as long as it’s the new trend and expensive”, is what they recite
Playing into their distractions confirming their stereotype…
Did you really think you had to listen to everything that’s being said?
I prefer to choose what material goes into my head
Picky eater, choosy lover and who cums in my bed
It can get infectious like breathing in dust congested with lead
For me it’s one of those mental things
Got your own morals it could all be so simple things
What contentment being able to be choosy brings.
I love to see you in your element
Creating vibes with your thoughts with no hesitant
Replaying scenes with your words keeping it relevant
Driving’em wild with your style with perfect elegance
I always wonder how your sentiment
Remains so calm when outsiders disrupt your temperament…
It’s crazy how situations can change the way you handle things
Every time you called I couldn’t wait to put the phone down
Holding a grudge towards you because I couldn’t understand how
You allowed that habituated sickness to take your crown
It hurts to take those road trips and being told to expect the unexpected
And how you’re fighting for your life and your lifelines unprotected
I guess it’s the consequences of decades of your well-being being neglected
But even though it was your choices, my life has been affected
A lot of the of times when I’m in pain I know it’s connected to you
I rush to call with no answer and all I’m thinking is, “I pray she pulls through”,
Although we’ve had a broken relationship over the years
I can’t say the thought of losing you isn’t one of my fears.